I like hugs. I do. People think I don’t. But I do.
I like good hugs. I don’t like bad hugs. That simple.
So what’s a good hug? A good hug has no thought. You just do it. Arms wide open. The force you use to embrace the other is not mediated, not moderated. You don’t even think about it. Your arms feel no nicks. You shouldn’t even feel your elbows. During that embrace, your arms are joint-less. You’re completely comfortable, no, more than comfortable. You feel straight up good, warm, right. Like you’re supposed to be in that lock of arms.
Now, I could name a few particularly bad hugs.
This one guy, ugh, gives me the worst hugs. I tell him I don’t like hugs just so he won’t hug me. I’ll tell him the truth one day. Maybe even tomorrow. He’s not that tall. But even if he was tall, his arms don’t have to be like chopsticks! So stiff. I can’t stand it. Even when he offers the hug, you could see his chopstick arms getting ready. That’s when I turn away. He thinks too much about his hugs. He tries to moderate the force, so it never feels right. It’ll never feel right.
I kinda understand why people want to moderate the force of their embraces. You don’t want to get too friendly. People always under embrace to make sure they don’t give the wrong idea.
The best hugs are the impulse hugs. Yes. If someone right now were to give me an impulsive hug, YES. Those are rare. Well, rare for me to give or receive. When is it right time for an impulsive hug? You’ll just know. They’re really great. If you’ve never had an impulsive hug, then I hope you get one one day. In those hugs, you just know that both parties were ready for it. It’ll feel like that moment when you’re doing a puzzle and find two pieces that fit and immediately shove them together like bam fit perf.
I don’t get embraced very often. Physical contact. I can get close to people with no problem, but touching, I’m still apprehensive about. I have to be comfortable with a person in order to be on the level of “I can hug you.” My best friend for ten years and I didn’t get used to hugging until like three or four years ago. I hardly hug my friends. I only hug them when I miss them. And even when I miss them a whole lot, I rarely hug them.
Go hug someone when you can. I think it’s a pretty great feat to be able to get that close to someone and feel okay with it. For me, anyway.